A Questioning Mind Leads to Fear

How much can I let them know about me? If I gave the information to Detective Luxemburg, then I wouldn’t feel afraid, but allowing my employees to see my past seems too much. Detective Luxemburg nonetheless brings up a good point. While talented, a man can achieve alone less than he can obtain with a team. The last time I showed a vulnerable side, I ended up in a boat accident. Can I compare these two situations, though? Hank wanted to talk to me for himself, not anyone else. These men, while paid by me, want to help me. How fare can I trust kindness? An individual in a high stakes negotiation with the FBI can trust the kindness of the Agents and give themselves up, but still at the loss of their freedom. So I need to weigh the possible losses and gains from this venture. I’d already given Braxton my journal entries to the point of contact, yet I don’t think he finished them yet. The incompleteness of the venture offers that to glean the proper information from the materials provided, he needs a larger team. 

It’s decided then, I must allow him to add Matt and Eric to the team. I trust these men more than any others under my employment. My only loss could be the authority in their eyes due to my mother being the killer of their best friends. I find it interesting that such hatred could be directed at someone related by blood but not action. The world reflects this belief too. I see how the world views those from the Middle East or of Middle Eastern descent since the attacks of 9/11. The actions of that small percentage created an unbalanced stigma towards individuals who just happens to be from that area. It was seen in World War II with the Japanese, and even to this day, Germans deal with the shadow of Hitler. I don’t even know all of the kills of my mother, but I know that if I told anyone, an expectation would come of me. 

What are the expectations of the son of a Hitman, or is it Hitwoman? I often refer to her as a serial killer now because she decided to give herself a staple. The silver ribbon with the note attached asking to bring her boy home. I know from what I’ve seen of certain TV Shows and books I’ve read that once a pattern is established by a killer, then they become Serial. So does that lower expectations for me? Will I be viewed as more willing to kill with less empathy? I don’t like to believe that I will become that plagued with death, but I’m sure my mother didn’t always want to become the world’s greatest killer.

A SL and PoS post.

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