A human must tend to their rituals with the discipline of the elite, or else they will find themselves among everyone else. While I respect those that make the choices to fall in step with a comfortable rhythm, I cannot allow myself to live below the high marks. With this understanding, I must accuse myself of poor performance. Now my penance is to pay the piper as I reconstruct my disciplines. A lot can happen in two weeks. I saw my disciplines break, my confidence faltered, and the weak spot of my operation came to light.
I always viewed myself as immovable once I created the image of The Employer. The basis of the model was to enter a room and be announced without a word. Many call this presence, which can work, I believe in it as more of what I put out into the universe coming back to me. I did not believe in it that way when I first created the image, it was more about the ability to stand out through my silence than through who I was as a person. In the last few weeks, Brady challenged and distracted me from my disciplines that made me immovable. The thing that many of my mentors did not tell me is that the pupil with the most significant potential becomes the greatest test of the mentor themselves. I watched the boy disconnect with ease through a series of trials that I thought he almost reached the expertise of an old employee of mine that only found attachment to his muscle cars. I think the boy’s life prepared him for the separation of himself from those around him. I know his father figures grew numerous, whether official or not. I found that he disconnected from my employment as well. He disappeared, and my resources have been in search ever since that night.
I let the idea that the boy’s escape showed that my age may finally be taking full effect on my mind. Curiosity and confusion fueled my rampant mind as I tried to understand the boy’s reason for leaving. Yes, I challenged him, but he seemed excited to take on the task. I worried in those first hours on things I held no control over. I couldn’t help that Brady made his own decisions as a grown man. I also couldn’t help that he had injured some of my other employees on his way out. I realize now that I can affect certain aspects. I hold influence over my thoughts, actions, and reactions as situations arise. This is what I must begin now.
Speech is an ideal medium to convey a message, but one’s action is the mother of all creations. So I will now put a break in this entry to take some necessary measures for the next step of my plan.