February 10, 2019

            The party went better than I actually expected. Mom and Veronica seemed to get along well. I got embarrassed often as mom related my childhood stories to her. With no other siblings to partake in the shame of embarrassment, my life often offered me many opportunities to learn by trial. One day I was riding my bike home from school and I saw a bus parked near my house. I was probably 10 or 11 at the time. I saw my mom on the front porch watching me, waiting for me, and I decided I would try to make her laugh. I started to yell, “I’m gonna run into the bus,” as I swayed back and forth on my bike. Much to my dismay I did run into the back of the bus with a solid thwump. My mother and the driver of the bus came to check that I was okay. I mean, who runs into a parked bus? Veronica laughed so hard that her face turned red. While it wasn’t my proudest moment, I had learned to laugh at those times in my life. 

            Mom’s new friend, I don’t know if they’re anything official yet, Facebook hasn’t shown any change, actually seemed like a cool guy. They both looked older so it was strange to think of them as dating. Kinda gross too. I mean I know I sound like a child there, but I just can’t envision my mom dating at her late age after three husbands. Her friend’s name is Jeffrey. I guess she likes the plain jane names for her men. Or would it be plain John’s? Jeffrey seemed dark and ominous at first, once he smiled I felt like we were best friends. How can someone be like that? I didn’t even feel the worry of that abrupt change in emotion until I got home that night. I survived the stereotypical awkward conversation of when you meet a new person. What do you do? How did you two meet? What are your plans for life? Then they see me walk and hesitate, but eventually ask why I gimp so much. I don’t really want people’s sympathy. My mother takes care of me and I feel decent enough about my life. Yet, something inside me wants to do more, which is why I continue to put job applications in to every place I see hiring. 

            I stalked my dead therapist a little bit, wow that sounds extremely weird, and I discovered that in fact was an indoors person. His social media showed and his secretary confirmed that he hated hiking because he often said that if he wanted to suffer on a walk, he would walk on nails instead of climbing a hill. So now I wonder how he ended up on that trail. I need to do some more research before I let my theories grow.