January 6, 2019

            I know I don’t need to write here anymore since I no longer go to the therapist, but I kind of like to put my thoughts in writing. It seems to help me think through situations better. I think I’ll continue to send them to my ex-therapist, just in case he changes his mind and thinks we need to talk again. 

Can you be ghosted by a therapist? I thought that only happened in dating these days. I tried to let the strangeness of the letter melt from my mind, but it only solidified there. Finally, after a few days of restless wonder I called my therapists office. The nice secretary told me that he had phoned in for an emergency earlier that week and didn’t know when he would return. I found that strange, but I guess therapists experience emergencies like most other normal human beings. I wish it hadn’t happened this week though. My mom disappeared for a couple days and I stressed myself out with worry. That’s what I really wanted to talk to the therapist about. She came back on Friday and told me that she had to work late nights so she came in after I fell asleep. I wanted to question her because I knew that there couldn’t be any way that she worked until one in the morning. My sleep cycles aren’t 100% healthy, but they are somewhat consistent of late nights and often cause me to sleep in until noon or later. Mom says it’s important for me to rest that much so my body can recover better. Back to the point, I don’t believe my mom, yet I fear to question her. I don’t want to question her because that might lead to questions about the times I disappear for coffee or ice cream. 

            Veronica doesn’t understand why I lie to my mother about what I’m doing when I meet with her, but she doesn’t seem anxious to meet my mom. I’ve only been on two dates with her, but the fact that she still talks to me makes me feel like she may eventually meet my mother. But that’s thinking way ahead. Right now, I just worry about sneaking away to see Veronica. Mom still hasn’t picked up on it so I’m lucky. I tell her I want to get coffee on my own because I want to feel like I can do things on my own again. Bathing without assistance is amazing, I didn’t realize the pleasure of just standing under the hot water in the shower for too long. Mom always made me take efficient showers, 60 seconds or less. I never thought I could shower that fast, but mom proved me wrong. I don’t know why she was so weird about showers when she helped me. She doesn’t seem to care about the length of my showers anymore. Maybe she just gave up.

A SL and PoS post.