December 23, 2018

            My mom seems so much happier after that night out with her friends. I don’t feel the stress at home as much anymore. I didn’t realize how much it affected me until the situation changed. My mother seems completely recharged now, which is good for her. She promised me that she wouldn’t go out with her friends too much, but would do it more often now that she knew how it felt. I shouldn’t care what my mother does, she’s a grown ass woman. I just don’t feel like I can sustain myself on my own yet. I didn’t realize how much she helps me in my day to day life. Even though I had my own plans Friday night, I found that the hour between when she left with her friends and I left for my date I felt like I needed to ask her so many questions about my date. I almost texted her, and then I remembered that I told her I wouldn’t go on the date. 

            The date actually went well. I met her for coffee at Starbucks, because even before my injury I didn’t go to any other coffee shop. I just knew that Starbucks always had the kind of coffee I wanted. The initial introductions were awkward, thought I found relief that I didn’t actually see a dude or girl that looked entirely different from their online picture. She beat me to the coffee shop, which was right down the road from my mom’s condo. I thought it might benefit me to be near home just in case my mom got home early and called me to find out where I went. It would be easy to say I went to get some coffee or to the gas station for an energy drink. Anyways, I don’t know how much I impressed her with my gimp strut, but she said that she would like to meet up again. I don’t feel like going into too much detail now. I’ll probably talk to my therapist about it on Thursday. That may sound weird, but I can’t really talk to anyone else about it. My mom isn’t an option because I told her I stayed in and played videogames all night. I also have no other friends to talk to thanks to my aversion of the public in general. I’m just hoping the holidays don’t mean I have to spend time with my extended family. 

            Speaking of the holidays, my mom went nuts with the Christmas presents this year. I’m pretty sure there are more presents under the tree now than any of the Christmas days in my childhood. She keeps saying that those are just from her, and Santa will bring me more. I tell her that I know he’s not real. She insists on continuing in her story though. I just smile and nod so I don’t upset her. As long as she is happy I am happy. Well, Merry Christmas to me and the only person who reads these entries, my therapist. 

A SL and PoS post.