December 16, 2018

            I convinced my mom to go out with some of her friends this weekend with a promise that I wouldn’t throw a party. She seemed excited when I brought the idea up to her. She asked me what I would do while she was gone. I told her that I might have a date with a girl I am talking to on Tinder. She lost her smile after I told her that. I don’t know why. She warned me that it might just be a dude pretending to be a girl and cat-nipping me. I corrected her and told her that it the correct term was catfishing, but she waved away my correction with her hand. She said maybe it wasn’t a good idea for her to go out with her friends after all. I back pedaled quick, because I didn’t want to have to cancel my plans, so I told her I would cancel my plans and just play video games. She smiled again with that statement. I am a little worried now that Veronica, the Tinder girl, might actually be a dude named Virgil. I don’t know why that name comes to mind. I think most people use names close to their own when trying to be someone else. 

            I didn’t find Veronica right off the bat. Most of the girls I matched with didn’t even talk to me. I don’t blame them because someone who lives at home with their mom and can’t really go out on adventures doesn’t sound like much fun. I can’t believe how many girls “love adventures and hiking” as if that makes them unique from other girls. The only benefit they really hold is that there are plenty of options so they can be picky with the hundreds of guys that try to flirt with them every day. That may be a slight exaggeration but I try to remain as much of a realist as possible. Finally, I found a girl who was okay with just hanging out somewhere and talking after I explained that I still remained a partial gimp. 

            My therapist warned me to be careful of online dating. While it could lead me to meet new people that would turn out to be toxic for my mental health. He said that he just didn’t want to see me lose the progress I made. I appreciate his worry for me, but I don’t feel like I have many options at the moment. It’s not like I can go out to the bars while I don’t have a car and my mother would kill me if I called her late at night drunk to pick me up. Really, I’m just trying to justify my minimal effort of interaction. People don’t entice me. I like my digital world, because even though there are real people behind those online characters I know that they can’t really hurt me. 

A SL and PoS post.