October 7, 2018

The doc said that he couldn’t tell my mother what I wrote in here. I don’t fear what she would read in here, but I mean I do enjoy my privacy. I find that her presence looms over me like the knowledge of an unpaid student loan. I don’t want to recognize her there, but I can feel the debt I owe her accrue with a sinister amount of interest. I love my mother, I do, but it feels different when she takes care of me at the age of 28 versus my childhood. I don’t feel like my body can support itself on its own yet so I will continue to appreciate my mother’s care.

I shouldn’t complain, because she just got me a brand-new Xbox One so I could keep myself entertained while I recovered. My mom couldn’t get any cooler. She told me not to worry about games because she already linked her credit card to the account, so I just needed to buy the games I wanted online. That made it easier for me because I don’t think she would feel comfortable in GameStop or any other video game store. My mom seems so careless with her money at times, but maybe that’s why she marries such rich men. She tells me that she just appreciates a motived man. I don’t try to fight her on this, it’s her life. It seems that I benefit from it right now so I won’t fight her on how she spends her money.

She told me not to trust people online, as if I didn’t already know that from what the memes on Facebook taught me. I learned fast that if she caught me in a conversation that I needed to make it appear that I only talked to myself. This is worse than when she found out I messaged people on Runescape as a kid. She got mad at me the first time she caught me in a conversation with another gamer. I don’t know why it pissed her off so much. My mom shut off the internet for 24 hours before we talked it out and agreed that I wouldn’t talk to people. It felt like a childish punishment on her part, but I try to understand her thought process as much as I can.

On a positive note, I discovered bath bombs. Don’t tell anyone, but I think they are amazing. First off, they look awesome, and second, it’s really nice to feel the bubbles tickle my skin as I soak in the tub. I find it worth the pain of getting into the tub. Sadly, I still need help to get into the tub right now. Super awkward even though my mom reassures me that she saw me naked as a baby and not to worry. I don’t see any other choice right now. Still weird. I can’t wait to take a bath without help.

A SL and PoS post.